a fish tale

There once was a little salmon making its way up the Columbia River minding its own business. This salmon being of the savvy variety was completely aware of its worth and value, and knew that its life was of a greater calling. This salmon being the contemplative type and understanding that the world existed beyond his watery borders, was engrossed in thought as he was motoring on through the currents of the confluence. Then just as he was considering his greater calling, he felt a tug on his lower lip. Damn! -It was indeed the snag he had been anticipating-but he honestly was feeling it was coming a little sooner than he was hoping. Again being a fish with an uncanny sense of himself and his purpose- resigned himself to the hook and resisted only a little- just for special effect. Then he allowed himself to be reeled in. Doing what good looking fish do- he flounced his shiny body all around the bottom of the boat- he knew he was showing off a bit- but what the heck he thought- its one last go, the last of his eminent fading glory. So he through his spine back and gave it a couple more bursts of flailing energy-drew two more breaths and thanked the universe for his great life and commenced his life.

The salmon was picked up by the beautiful young woman that had so craftily baited her line, and had cast it in the shining waters of the river. The young lady possessing the ability to keep up with the boys in the outdoor type of activities all the while maintaining her femininity firmly took hold of the fish and gut it just as a good patron of the river does- and returned the salmon's insides to the waters that bore him. She then respectfully placed her catch on the ice inside the cooler that she had prepared -being of confident mind, she knew she would be successful that day in bringing home a catch. She started back toward the shore with satisfaction. The young lady having countenance that resounds her name sake- decided to share her bounty. So upon returning to the river bank- she called up her cousin and they planned to have dinner the following evening sharing the blessing of the catch of the day. The following evening they gathered round a square table, in a cottage on a hill lined with blueberries- with the beauty of the earth shimmering around them, and the warmth of a hand crafted meal in front of them, and the love of friends and family encircling the feast. Here the salmon's calling was met- his existence brought four people together- three of them cousins, to dine and engage in a way they had not yet experienced. A magical moment transpired.

A fish is not a fish alone- a meal not just a meal. Beauty happens every day by what appears to be a small encounter.

reckoning ourselves

How do we get to a place where we are truly happy with ourselves physically? One step further into this actually begs the question how do we become truly happy.. because I believe that ones physicality has huge impact on how one conducts and carries themselves. I have visited this a couple of times in my writings of exploratory topics-but its one that is as persistent as our quest for food. Its the one that stares directly into the eyes of my obsession with food-and I know that I am not alone in this.

Is this the time to expose my demons- do they have any value to others? I'm not sure- but I'm going to provide an exorcism in any event- you be the judge of its worth. Oh yep-I was another one of those dime a dozen anorexic girls. You've heard the story a million times....I never starved myself entirely- but I had the most rigid of diets- consisting mostly of coffee, apples and bagels. I exercised hard to counteract that whopping 20 grams of fat I'd intake in a day, leaving my body with only the basics of subsistence. My sister God bless her- would watch me as I literally broke down into crying fits at the agony of being presented with a meal out of my "controlled diet" regime. It was sheer torture-the thought of breaking into that controlled situation I had created would take me to the floor writhing. In those times the fear was so strong on my face-I would imagine watching it unfold would be like watching a person that is certifiably schizophrenic start to carry on a conversation with one of their personalities. In those moments the other person watching feels like they are observing a train wreck that they have no idea how to switch the rails on. For some people these issues are brought to surface by the influence of some other event or issue. For me it was just that I really liked how I looked when I was that thin- there were no other issues, aside from the usual American bout of obesity somewhere in your lineage freaking you out that you may become that someday. Once I got into that very extreme reality I had made completely on my own-I did not want to break it. The mere thought of it had me so uncanny-I really should have been in a mental facility. The control of it is mind altering. Some of us are more prone to obsessive and compulsive behavior then others- its in my makeup. Just like some people have other mental hang-ups.

So the issue here is how as adults when we know better-how do we reckon with ourselves? Now one huge caveat- I do not hold the answers not even close, nor am I really probably the best person to even speak to the issue- because I wrestle with this everyday. But that's exactly the point. Food issues are body issues. If you have these hangups they are with you FOREVER. There is no such thing as careless eating. Every item you consume is filed in a catalogue ready

for you to analyze and scrutinize later- and maybe even hold against yourself. So the key I believe is getting to a point where we can see food as nourishment, fuel, and something to

enjoy with revelry. Just like gun handlers have the deepest respect for their arms, we must also respect food in the same way. It is gorgeous, it is to be enjoyed, and it can not be denied what the scary reality is on the other side of the barrel. Its the avoidance of its power that causes the greatest harm. Get familiar with food- love it. Love yourself. Take care of you-don't deny yourself anything. When we see food as the enemy- we think we have to limit our exposure to it- which in turn only creates a hatred for the thing that in essence is supposed to provide nourishment at the most basic of levels. And then there starts the pendulum of ups and downs-love, hate, love, hate. When this respect is in tact- the ups and downs start to ebb away. Your mind starts to realize that nothing is off limits-and therefore the need to over compensate when posed with something normally considered taboo becomes less.

Some people I do believe never have had to deal with this constant monitoring. That's simply just not my reality. Don't worry those of you that think those people are lucky-they have their issues-and they're just as disgusting as yours-and these people are looking at you thinking

you've got it all together- and its my sincerest wish that I hope you do.

the key to friendship...

Many of my friendships have been encouraged over the course of many meals together, bread broken and drinks sipped so it seems that this is an appropriate topic to delve into. Friendship being the persistent feature in the headline of my mind. I can't seem to get the words of a very close friend of mine out of my head. To me they are profound and offered up insight into a topic that everyone is subject to.

My dear friend was sharing with me that she had just encountered an interesting situation with a couple of people that were putting some wrenches into their relationship and undermining the integrity of their friendship. Essentially they were being caddy and petty. My dear friend

in her infinite wisdom blew them away with her blatant and no frills honesty- and said "I don't need this".."I have great friends- and I don't have to work for it." I left with these words and concepts penetrating my heart and mind. I started doing a mental check on all of my friendships and relationships that I consider the "gold standard" and realized a common thread- the relationships are easy. They take no effort to give to- and the bounty received is equal. Its a constant ebb and flow of sharing, encouragement and uplifting. They are a safe haven where you are taken just as you are. There is time spent to cultivate these friendships but the true test is that it is effortless- you don't even think about what you're doing because its so natural. The benefit to this quality of friendship is that it is stress free. They just work.

If you have any relationships that you feel are a bit dysfunctional in your life maybe start eliminating them or giving less effort to the relationships that require so much of you. From personal experience I can attest you will be fuller and able to give even more. The results and experiences are endless- and these are the friendships of a lifetime.